Thank you 2021!
In a typical millennial fashion, I would like to say that I am grateful for 2021.
If you asked me this few months back — 2021 was my worst year!
I have had a roller coaster ride, a year with the highest highs and lowest lows. Some empty spaces and some over cluttered thoughts.
2021 started with a sigh of relief, assuming that covid-19 is fading as we all thought life shall become normal beyond this pandemic. Only if we knew that all our relaxed mindsets will be washed by the second wave.
I will not even go where it damaged me rather how it impacted all of us so up close & personal.
Now some of you will expect me to bash the government, people or doctors, fact of the matter is that we all were careless, clueless and mostly unaware of how things would look in April-May. The second wave sneaked into our lives and took away our close ones leaving a permanent void.
How bad was it? My phone auto prediction was only RIP and Condolences because that was all I was typing. While we were hearing bad news every day, to add to our plight in an effort to help others, some of us were roped into helping others, voluntarily so, at workplaces. From finding the best hotels & flights, my job became to find oxygen cylinders and beds… That was one low I never expected to see. Nevertheless, I and many others tried harder to save so many people, but sometimes all we saw was the blankness of death and how fragile humans are. People who I knew personally, known for many years were suddenly no more.
This was taxing emotionally and draining physically, I couldn’t gather strength for a while to look at my phone and see new notifications.
Though I was safe with my family in the mountains while everyone I knew was suffering for basics, for once I did not feel lucky, I felt extremely guarded and partially guilty for that.
While we were recovering from the second wave, a lot of things were shifted in my personal life too. I was back in Gurgaon in a hope that I will look for shades of old normalcy here. Though WFH is still on and a person like me who is a fan of the routine of getting ready, going to work and showing up is still living in Pajamas with little hope to see my colleagues soon. I have been waiting for offices to open since June 2020 :). Hopeful much?
We all forgot about the second wave and started living our life as nothing happened. Now I was back from the mountains after losing almost 25 kgs looking better and fitter than before and I was so excited to be back. I happily forgot how brutal cities can be, sigh!
Friends I thought were for life, left for no reason…. In quest of finding my normalcy, I ended up losing myself with a disappointment spree. I counted those people as my own who did not even bother looking back once.
I was always of opinion that one should only make 1 or 2 friends where you give your best and be there for them always. In 2021, I was taught that QUANTITY OVER SO-CALLED QUALITY. More people you know, more experiences to learn and more evolution. Don’t confine yourself with the idea of the inner circle, tell you why?
The so-called inner circle was nowhere to be seen when I was sitting in my house with anxiety and self-hate for no particular fault of mine. ( Almost suicidal). My mistake was to think that because I will stand up for them, they will too. I don’t say this with bitterness but you don’t need people in your inner circle because there is no circle, there is a dot which is YOU. Now dot can have a circle outside but it is not necessary.
I learnt on my way towards the end of this year, that people are temporary. They will love you but not forever. They would want you but not always.
Accepting that you are great but your greatness will not be valued everywhere is a hard pill to swallow. I swallowed and now I feel completely fine being misunderstood, judged, disrespected and disliked. I don’t derive my happiness from people outside. It is my responsibility to take care of myself and create my own happiness. Once I was naive enough to think, it’s about the people around you and the love you get from them.
BREAKING NEWS — It is about being at peace with yourself and enjoying people as they come and respecting them as they go.
While I may have had bad experiences with some of my very close friends, I still say that I don’t blame them and I understand that life is not the same point of view for everyone and nobody is obliged to stick around. The lessons were hard but necessary.
Respect the love you receive, value the efforts but don’t expect it to stay forever.
I learnt in 2021, bending backwards for people should be a choice that comes from within but not with an expectation of return.
I have always been a very forgiving person but now I also know how to love people from distance. I don’t need them, I just enjoy them.
2021 was a devastating but nurturing year. I was completely down on my knees but as it ends, I am standing taller than before. I feel like a phoenix if you ask.
Here, to more lessons, growth and self-love.
Wish you all a very happy 2022!!
